The owls are not what they seem.

About two months ago, every dream I’ve ever harbored in my tiny, tender little acorn heart was shattered when I learned that my friend Rosemary was having a Twin Peaks-themed birthday party — and I wouldn’t be able to attend.

Reasons?

1. Proximity: Rosemary lives in Little Rock, and I live in New York City.

2. Money: The projected date of said party — Friday, Feb. 19 — was only a few days after I’d be moving out of my old apartment, and I knew that there was no way I’d be able to afford a plane ticket after such a move.

3. Time: How in the world would I be able to get time off from work?

In the face of a conundrum that only Agent Cooper’s intelligence and Sheriff Harry S. Truman’s practicality could handle, I was a regular Ronette Pulaski wondering down the railroad tracks of existence — not quite a Laura Palmer sunbathing in a plastic tarp on Twin Peaks’ shores, but not that far away from it, either. Not only would I never fulfill my dream of having a valid excuse for dressing up as The Log Lady, but I didn’t know when I would see my Arkansas friends again.

But as Feb. 19 drew closer, things fell into place. Tears were shed. Phone calls were made. Security deposits were reimbursed. George Washington and Abraham Lincoln decided to somewhat conveniently have their birthdays within days of each other, thereby warranting a national holiday and, by association, a day off from work. I was giddier than Ben Horne on a Saturday night at One-Eyed Jack’s. 

And before I knew it, it was 11 p.m. on Friday, Feb. 19, I was in Little Rock, Arkansas, and I was holding a log in the trunk of a Honda Accord, waiting to surprise my friends.

Needless to say… It was uhhhhhMAAAAAAAAAYZZZZIIIIIIING!

Maddy Ferguson was really excited.

So was Lucy Moran.

Agent Cooper made an appearance…

… as did The One-Armed Man.

There were some other pretty great costumes, too. Here are three of my favorites from the night. Here’s everyone’s favorite homecoming queen/teenage prostitute, Laura Palmer, as played by co-hostess/co-birthday girl Autumn. I really liked the Best Friends necklace she added to the mix. Sadly, no one showed up as Donna Hayward. Speaking of, is Lara Flynn Boyle still alive?

This Ronette Pulaski look-alike was so committed to her costume that she rolled around in her yard to get the whole “I’ve just been drugged and attacked” vibe before coming to the party.

Two words: “COTTON BALLS!!!”

Best. Party. EVER.